10 movies I didn't care for in 2010

Unlike yesterday's list, these movies did have something positive about them. Not enough to make me like any of them, but enough to keep me from screaming that I wanted my two hours back right after.


Number 40



I appreciated that it made an attempt to fill in Fred Krueger's backstory and even played with the idea of turning him into a sympathetic character. But then it wussed out Big Time and just remade the original.

Number 39



I don't have a high tolerance for romantic comedies, but this had a couple of things going for it. I love movies with large casts and intertwining plots (Playing by Heart and Crash, for instance) and I like a lot of the people in this one (mostly folks from Alias and Grey's Anatomy, and Anne Hathaway and Queen Latifah). But there was an unfortunate, anthology-like feel to it where - even though the stories connected - they weren't consistent in tone or quality and I found myself wishing to skip past many of them, even when they featured a favorite actor.

Number 38



I knew what I was getting into by going to see this, but there was nothing else going on at the theater that week. Two years ago, I was a big Gerard Butler fan, but with The Ugly Truth, Gamer, and Law Abiding Citizen he's been working hard to fix that. On the other hand, while I don't like a lot of romantic comedies, I do like certain things about them and The Bounty Hunter managed to push a couple of those buttons. Not creatively,  mind you, but in that knee-jerk, "I like it when they do that" way. And Butler and Aniston are nice to look at. I have to take Jennifer Aniston in small doses, but this is the first thing I've seen her in since the last season of Friends.


Number 37



This was the movie that killed 3D for me. It was murky and thanks to the 3D's being added in post-production, those effects were lame and unnecessary. The story wasn't much better. The scenes with the gods could've been left out with no effect on the plot and none of the actors looked like they were trying very hard. Also, if you're going to throw in Bubo (not necessarily a great decision in the first place), don't throw him in just to laugh at him. You're only reminding us how silly this all is. What I did like though were the creature designs, some of the fights, and that Perseus didn't end up with Andromeda. Though that last one is because there was no chemistry between the two of them and forcing a marriage at the end would've made the movie lamer still. I also think that Gemma Arterton makes a much prettier Burgess Meredith than Burgess Meredith did.

Number 36



I expected to hate this, so it's actually an upgrade to put it on today's list. Travolta was absolutely grating in the trailers, but I was surprised to find him kind of funny in the movie. The plot didn't make a whole lot of sense, but the movie tried some new things and I usually appreciate that.

Number 35



I went to see this for one reason: Timothy Olyphant. And on that level, it didn't disappoint. The rest of it though was a pretty trite - though effectively scary at times - horror movie with a lame ending.

Number 34



Speaking of lame endings. They had me right up until then though. Butt-kicking Denzel and any kind of Mila Kunis will do that for you.

Number 33



Yes, I liked this better than Clash of the Titans. What does that tell you? Well, for one thing, the 3D was infinitely better.

For another, Step Up 3D delivers exactly what it promises: hot people dancing and nothing else. It rips off the thousand other dance movies that came before it ("They're going to tear down our hangout spot! We have to win the dance contest so we can save it!"), but I can't decide if that's laziness or a charming homage. I have to give the movie credit for meeting all its goals; it's just that they set the bar so very, very low.

Number 32



This was going to be a fascinating update of Frankenstein. It was headed in that direction and I even appreciated the creepy, "oh-they-went-too-far" scene for what it said about the characters and the Wrongness of the whole situation. But then the third act started and it all fell apart.

Number 31



I laughed a lot harder at this one than I did at Dinner for Schmucks ("Hey, hey, yo, yo. I'll be down in a minute. I'm having sex.") and appreciated the Adventures in Babysitting-ness of it all, but I wanted to connect more with Steve Carell and Tina Fey's characters than I did. Their worries about their marriage felt forced, which undermined them as characters and the plot in general.

12 movies I hated in 2010

They say that every cloud has a silver lining. If that's true, the silver linings in these storm clouds were bolts of lightning about to strike the tree I was standing under. From worst to...well, "best" doesn't seem like the appropriate word, but "least worst" maybe:

Number 52



I wrote a full review for the Kill All Monsters! blog, but the short version is that Skyline had no story. It was an idea for a story, but it went nowhere and ended at what should have been the movie's halfway point. Horrible.

Number 51



The movie that proved that M Night Shyamalan is so far gone that he doesn't even have to direct the movie for it to suck. Devil didn't make any sense and replaced Plot and Character Motivation with things like Fate and Whatever Shyamalan Decided to Pull Out of His Butt.


Number 50



Better than Devil only because Shyamalan started with something wonderful. But he managed to suck every bit of joy out of it, even going as far as taking one of the most positive, fun-loving characters ever created and turning him into a mopey downer, while also inexplicably mispronouncing his name.

Number 49



"The three of us have to go to Hades to rescue my mom, but first we have to find three magic items that will each let one of us escape once we get there. No, no, don't even think about the math. We can figure that out once we're in the underworld and have no other way of getting out. I'm sure it'll be fine."

Number 48



I love Peter Jackson, but how can anyone manage to make a movie about a child murderer that doesn't make you feel anything about what's going on?

Number 47



Takes everything awesome about the Jonah Hex concept and throws it out the stagecoach window in favor of making Wild Wild West II.

Number 46



As an amateur theologian, I try not to be too judgmental of movies that get it wrong, but seriously...Legion didn't even try. I need to watch The Prophecy again to cleanse my palate.

Number 45



Man, people love their blue posters, don't they?

My big problem with this one is that it's based entirely on my least-favorite element of vampire mythology: that getting bitten by a vampire automatically turns you into one. I disliked more than just that, but you can read the rest in my review.

Number 44



I love Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore, but Chloe didn't do either of them justice, mostly because Moore and Seyfried's characters don't act in any way resembling real people. Liam's character is fine, but he's really just a plot device.

Number 43



I know a lot of people like this one, but I'm guessing that they tend to like crime movies more than I do. I need a really likable - or at least relatable - character to hook me into a crime drama and He Loves His Girlfriend isn't enough to do that for me. I had a hard time rooting for or caring about anyone in The Town.

Number 42



It set itself up to be so much, but - though it had a moment or two - it was so little. Some of its biggest stars were nothing more than cameos and it unnecessarily used CGI when practical effects were needed. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to light a stuntman on fire that you have to create flames on your computer?

Number 41



Two of my favorite comedians. My least favorite comedy of the year. It made me laugh a couple of times, but that only reminded me of the reaction I should have been having through the rest of the film about unlikable people doing stupid, ridiculous things.

Quotes of the Week: Becoming Santa

I'm watching A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart as Scrooge. As well acted as it is, there are so many inaccuracies. For instance, there's no rat-accountants in Scrooge's office. Also they've completely missed the other Marley brother, and their song. As a matter of fact, there's no songs at all. Next there'll be no Fozziwig's Rubber Chicken Factory. Avoid.
--Gavin Spence

Santa isn't about ontology. It's about giving gifts and not taking credit for them. Learning the joy of finding the perfect gift for a loved one and watching them open it. To see the joy and surprise and tears when they open it. It's about learning to become Santa.
--Richard Beck

What we’re setting out to do with [Clash of the Titans 2] — the writers and the director and myself — is improve. I think I can act f***ing better, to be honest…Just take all the notes from people that I have been reading about on the ‘net and give them a movie they f***ing want.
--Sam Worthington

Art Show: Anubis and the Amazon

Anubis Guard



By Francesco Francavilla.

Wonder Woman



By Michael Dooney. [Pink of the Ink]

Trinity



By Ben Caldwell.

DC Elementary



By Tom Bancroft. [Project: Rooftop]

Land of the Lost: Season Three (Episode Five: Medusa)

Season One: Part One, Two, and Three.
Season Two: Part One and Two.
Season Three: Part One, Two, Three, and Four.

Episode 5: “Medusa”

This episode provides more evidence for the Alternate Reality Theory, while also letting us know that some things are still the same between the two versions of the Land of the Lost. Holly and Will have built an outrigger to take them and Cha-Ka down the river, hoping it will help them find a way home. Obviously, the first season episode “Downstream” never occurred for them. At least, not in the way it happened for the other Marshalls, but more on that later. On the other hand, Will plans to do some fishing on the trip and recalls his unpleasant experience fishing with Cha-Ka in Season Two’s “Nice Day."

While Will and Cha-Ka cut fishing poles, Holly sits in the boat and is accidentally carried downstream by a sudden increase in the current. The reason for the change is that a green-skinned, snake-haired Gorgon in a toga has opened a hole in a small dam downriver. We don’t yet know why, but we do get a demonstration of her powers when she turns a praying mantis to stone for “daring to offend Medusa” by crawling over her foot.

Will and Cha-Ka hear Holly’s distress cries, but choose to run and get Jack instead of immediately helping her. It's a stupid, disappointing choice meant simply to keep the plot moving.

After the break: Holly meets Medusa and sees an old friend from Season One.

Downriver, Medusa – in harmless, human form now – rescues Holly. She gently instructs Holly to be more careful in the future, saying that King Neptune is very strict with those who use his waters. She introduces herself as Meddie and insists that Holly come home with her. It’s going to be dark soon and she refuses to let Holly wander alone through the jungle at night. She’s very nice about it and explains that if they leave the boat on the bank, then Holly’s family can track her to Meddie’s home from there when they come looking for her. That makes sense to Holly and she agrees.

Meddie’s place is a fenced garden in the middle of the jungle. It's filled with statues and sentient plants. Meddie tells Holly that she can explore all she likes, but should stay on the paths to avoid being attacked by the vegetation. She then excuses herself to freshen up, which she does in a weird way. She has a little vanity table in another part of the garden and talks to herself in the mirror as she puts on perfume and has a glass of wine. We learn that her motivation for destroying the dam was to bring Holly downstream for the specific purpose of turning her to stone and adding her to the garden. She’s delighted though that she’ll also get to add Jack, Will, and Cha-Ka when they arrive.

Which raises the question of who Medusa really is and what she’s doing here. Is her reference to Neptune a religious belief or does he really exist? Medusa was Neptune’s lover in Greek mythology, so it seems more than coincidental that she brings him up. He’s never mentioned again in the episode though, so we can’t know for sure. The most reasonable explanation is that she and the other Greek gods exist, but that she was pulled alone into the Land of the Lost. That leaves a big question about what really happened between her and Perseus in our world, but figuring that out is an exercise for another day.

More interesting is the matter of all those statues, most of which are human-shaped. With all the random time portals opening in the Valley, you’d think that there’d be more captives here. Some of them, like the Revolutionary War soldier from Season One’s “Follow That Dinosaur,” probably died through lack of survival skills, but Medusa’s a good explanation for the rest. Especially since she actively seeks out people to trap. It’s curious why she’s just now attacking the Marshalls, but maybe she’s had her eye on them for a while and finally saw her chance when they built the outrigger.

Holly enjoys Meddie’s hospitality at first, but starts to suspect something’s wrong when she sees the stone form of a triceratops in the same spot where she was frightened by a live one earlier. She explores some more and finds a statue of a Civil War soldier with a cannon.

When Meddie finds her looking at it, Holly explains that it reminds her of another soldier she used to know who was always making noise, “shooting off cannons and shouting orders.” That sounds like Jefferson Davis Collie from “Downstream,” but that’s impossible because if “Downstream” happened in this reality, why don’t the Marshalls already know that the river loops around on itself? The only explanation is that Collie did exist in this reality, but the Marshalls met him in a different way. And obviously, Medusa eventually met him as well.

After the Collie statue, Holly suspects enough to know that she needs to leave. She tries to excuse herself just as Jack, Will, and Cha-Ka show up, having tracked her there as Medusa planned. Before they can announce themselves to Holly though, Medusa’s plants attack them. They escape, but not before Meddie spots them and ushers Holly to another part of the garden, saying that her family is likely already on its way to come get her. Free of the attack plants, Cha-Ka scouts ahead of Jack and Will to find out where Meddie and Holly went.

Meddie leaves Holly alone long enough for her and Cha-Ka to have a conversation when he finds her. Holly tells him her suspicion about Meddie’s powers and Cha-Ka returns to warn Jack and Will. Holly, Cha-Ka later explains to the others, is afraid to move or Meddie will turn her to stone.

Jack puts Meddie’s name with the description of her powers to figure out who she really is. He also realizes that they have to destroy her or risk her coming after them later. He volunteers to distract Medusa while Will and Cha-Ka rescue Holly, but Will and Cha-Ka jump the gun and Medusa traps them and Holly before Jack can get into place. While she’s threatening them, Jack discovers the vanity table and steals the mirror. He knocks over a glass jar in the process and reveals himself, so while Medusa goes to investigate, the kids escape.

Unfortunately, Jack doesn’t do the full Perseus and cut off Medusa’s head. Instead – probably to avoid scarring Holly for life – he uses the mirror to reflect Medusa’s power back at her, turning her to stone. On their way home, Holly pauses to make a lame, non sequitur observation about the perils of vanity.