View from the top (Burp)

That's right, kiddies. One month into the season and the Baltimore Orioles are back in first place, ahead of the Red Sox and the New York Voldemorts.

But still, the doubters mock our Birds. Noting that the O's and Tampa Bay (no more Devil) Rays are battling for first, ESPN.com's Page 2 today ran a very tongue-in-cheeck piece on this now-heated rivalry. I liked the list of the 10 best games between the two formerly -- and profoundly -- feeble teams. Funniest part of the list was the entry for the fifth-best O's-Rays game: April 9, 2002, a rainout. Laugh now, little man.

If the Orioles somehow manage to win the American League (HEY! Don't laugh. It's my blog) I have decided today that I'm going to fly to New York, drive down to the the Watchung Deli in Montclair, N.J., and eat a Benny Mac sandwich.

What's a Benny Mac, you ask? Try this on for size: a chicken cutlet sub with macaroni and cheese, plus barbecue sauce and bacon. It's just one of the delicacies mouth-wateringly described in this New York Times article about seven great sandwiches in the tri-state area. (By the way, isn't every state in a tri-state area?) Just try to read this article without getting hungry. Or nauseous.

Behind bars

I know it's ultralame to post nothing more than a link to another blog, but tough luck.

I thought this item from the New York Times' "Laugh Lines" blog was tremendously cool and wanted to make sure you saw it.

Don't know about you, but I'd definitely buy crap I didn't need if the packaging had cool barcodes on it. On second thought, I buy crap I don't need now even if it has standard barcodes, so what's the difference?

All the news that's fit to wear

I think I just threw up a little bit.

Clicked over to CNN and noticed these little t-shirt icons next to some of today's top headlines. (Atop the list for the moment: The incredibly important and impactful news of Wesley Snipes' tax evasion conviction.)

T-shirt icons? What could it mean?

One of the t-shirt-accompanied headlines caught my eye. Clearly I was struck by its potential for journalistic excellence. The headline read -- I kid you not -- "176-lb beauty squashes stereotypes."

Frightened but curious, I clicked on the t-shirt. Just as I feared, I landed on a page that -- again, I kid you not -- offered for sale black, white and grey t-shirts emblazoned with that very headline. That's right, it's irrelevant news you can wear!

Is someone at CNN world headquarters sitting there thinking that Zazzle and Busted Tees are eating into their revenues -- that strange headlines on sportswear is going to save the news business? I'm at a loss here. Edward R. Murrow, come back!